If I had a second chance to redo things, then I would take it.
Something is wrong. I know why. Why did the Anointing lead the retreat? Sure, it was a great opportunity, and sure, it was a blessing to see fellow brothers and sisters get blessed, but what about me? What about Josh, Hyo, Eddie, Jamie? What about us? What about everyone else? Would it not be kind of dull to see the same group of people who play week in and week out play at a retreat? AHHHHHHH. Yes, I loved giving praise. Yes, I loved worshiping Him. But I forgot how it feels to be part of the youth group shouting and going NUTS for HIM.
***Nowadays I feel as if my only place in worship is leading. If I am anywhere else, then I feel weird. It's very disturbing. I've gotten too used to being up on stage and have become accustomed to it. It's not magical anymore - there are no more nerves running inside me to keep me humbled like a pebble compared to a meteor. Yes, I am humbled and I give it up to Him, but when I had been a fresh and upcoming leader, I was more conscious of that fact that I am silly and useless. Now praise and leading has become routine. TOO ROUTINE.
I really wish I could go to another retreat. Take all the Anointing who played at the retreat to the other retreat. Retreat together somewhere... and really become connected with Him.
However, the time for wishing is over, and time for facing reality is now. God, all this - me - may it go up to You. I am nothing, but YOU are EVERYTHING. Help me to remember that, please. For you are all I need..
Amen. I understand how you're feeling. I was thinking about how you guys would feel leading praise instead of praising with us. You couldn't get excited becase you guys had to focus on US getting excited. Hopefully, you guys can join us next timeeee. GOOD JOB ANYWAY! You guys were awesome and you guys really helped us feel the Holy Spirit at the retreat. THANKS! :D
ps. I think this is like the first nice comment I've posted on your xanga. HAHA
Comments (2)
Amen. I understand how you're feeling. I was thinking about how you guys would feel leading praise instead of praising with us. You couldn't get excited becase you guys had to focus on US getting excited. Hopefully, you guys can join us next timeeee. GOOD JOB ANYWAY! You guys were awesome and you guys really helped us feel the Holy Spirit at the retreat. THANKS! :D
ps. I think this is like the first nice comment I've posted on your xanga. HAHA
lol you have a yuhjah now :3