It's irritating how I keep on thinking about stuff. I thought about random things so much that it got to the point of me questioning my faith. Yeah, that's pretty bad. I mean, I've got questions, but I never drift away. I think I have a gift from God that is similar to Pastor Dan's: faith. I guess it's because I've been raised in this lifestyle and I've never grown far from it. From the beginning of my life, I've been told that I worshiped God with all my heart through dancing, singing, and whatever else I could as a child.
In fact, one memory of my undignified worship to God was in 6th grade. I have no idea if anyone remembers but me, so here goes. It was in children's ministry and it was during the summer after VBS. VBS was intense that year. I remember that we had a song, "Trading My Sorrows," and that song really got to me. The movements (haha yes, movements - I did them too) were stimulating and I couldn't help but get excited. The movements for the chorus were pretty simple, it was just us jumping up and down while singing it. It truly was an exciting time.
So that brings us to the next Sunday service. We sang that song again and it was killing me how everyone just died down and acted as if VBS never happened. Of course, as a kid, I was affected by that peer pressure, but my longing to worship just seeped out of me and I couldn't contain myself (cheeeessy). I then started jumping around and singing the chorus at the top of my lungs. That was a true moment of undignified worship that will stay with me for the rest of my life.
It's amazing to me. How can I keep going when I feel as if I have no energy to keep going? I guess it's because I also see my trust in God as a comfort to me. To know that I have someone to trust and fall back on who won't fail and who I can always depend on. It's pretty cool; however, we all get worn out.
I have this analogy to give you guys. We are all like machines/robots/whatever. We run around and we need energy. However, we get worn out SO FAST. I know I do. After leading worship I feel drained of everything and that's because i've been depending on my own might, by my own strength. Do not follow this path! We need to be connected to a vast source of energy to run efficiently. But all that we've been hooked up to thus far was a battery. A measly, limited source of power compared to God, a vast, mighty, endless generator of energy. We need this energy, the Holy Spirit, to run. We must depend on God, we must depend on His spirit to guide us and give us strength. How can we lead if we aren't alive? Think about that for the rest of the week.
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